Faith and Reason
by AZGirl
Summary: He should have gone while he had the chance, and he'd had every intention of leaving, but in the end he couldn't. Spoilers for 2.05 The Return.


**Disclaimer**: The Musketeers are not mine. I'm just borrowing the concepts and characters for a little while.

**Spoilers**: 2.05 The Return.

**A/N**: I was half asleep when I wrote this and fully awake while revising it... I still don't know if I like how this one turned out.

**ooooooo**

"_You think you know me, but you don't." – Athos, 2.05 The Return._

ooooooo

Athos is pretty sure that if d'Artagnan really did know him and knew his true character that the pedestal he'd been placed on would come crumbling down.

D'Artagnan thinks that he would feel guilty for leaving the tenants to fight on their own. What the younger man doesn't realize is that six years ago, he had done just that – _and_ he hadn't felt any guilt whatsoever for doing it.

In truth, he had left his people behind without a second thought, or really any thought at all as he had ridden away. He had already been a coward and had run away from his responsibilities and his grief once; doing it a second time should be just as easy.

Away from his lands, he is another person, a better person – the brave Musketeer with a weakness for drink who fights injustice wherever it may be, but _here_ he is weak. Here he cannot find the strength to face his past. He lacks the ability to move past what happened to his brother and all that came immediately after. That past still haunts him and even follows him into his nightmares.

The betrayal of his wife hurts just as much today as it had back then. Thinking about what happened then still makes him feel as if he'd been run through by a sword. Guilt still permeates every part of his being for not keeping the promise that he had made to his parents to take care of his younger brother.

Every time he looks at his young friend, he can see that d'Artagnan does not understand why he is being so callous towards the tenants or why he doesn't care about the land his family has owned for generations being overrun by a tyrant. D'Artagnan expects him to be someone he can't possibly be while he's here in Pinon. He expects the man Athos is in Paris, the man who is like a brother to him.

Trying to explain to d'Artagnan that the Athos he knows had ceased to exist once he'd been forcibly brought back to his lands seems a Herculean task. The Athos of Pinon was not brave enough to stay and witness justice being carried out on his brother's murderer. This Athos couldn't bring himself to remain in a place where his surroundings and the very air that he breathed reminded him of what had happened.

Athos can't fathom why d'Artagnan can't see the real him: the coward, the failure, the dupe, the man who ran away from his problems. D'Artagnan, who knows more about him than he'd ever intended to share with anyone, refuses to turn his back on him, refuses to stop believing in him. Refuses to give up on him.

He should have gone while he had the chance, and he'd had every intention of leaving, but in the end he couldn't. D'Artagnan's support and his reminders of the kind of man Athos is away from Pinon kept him from returning to Paris. D'Artagnan's faith in him gave him the strength to correct his past mistakes and help his people.

The Gascon may think he knows who Athos is, but d'Artagnan still had much to learn about him. There are things that once uncovered might cause his young friend to think twice about that unwavering faith and the desire to remain by his side through anything.

But for now, he will allow himself to bask in that faith. For now, he will use it to bolster him so that he can stay the course and put his former life behind him once and for all.

Athos doesn't have much faith in anything and hopes d'Artagnan's faith in him will be enough.

He doesn't think he can find it within himself to disappoint his brothers, and he would never forgive himself if d'Artagnan or any of his friends were killed voluntarily fighting a battle that was not their own.

They and the Musketeers are all he has left now; if he loses them, he will have lost everything.

It is something he cannot abide and he will do anything to prevent that from happening, including returning to face his demons.

ooooooo

_The end._

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**A/N:** Many thanks to celticgal1041 for her help and encouragement! All remaining mistakes are my fault.

_**Thanks for reading!**_


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